"This movie could probably air on ABC Family, and not even need to be edited."
The more movies that Blumhouse Productions releases, the more we're beginning to believe that they're dedicated to churning out as many mediocre movies as possible: Make them cheap, make them generic, repeat.
They've made some great movies too, but after seeing offerings like Jessabelle, Ouija, The Gallows, The Lazarus Effect, The Boy Next Door, and now Visions, how can we really think otherwise?
I know it's a business, but for crying out loud do a lot of their releases feel like cut-and-paste TV movies of the week.
After being involved in a terrible car accident that claimed the life of a baby, Eveleigh and her husband decide to move to the country and open a winery... because what better way to dull the pain of such a horrific tragedy than to surround yourself with barrels of wine. Of course their new winery has a sordid (and possibly haunted) past, so there's probably not going to be a lot of healing going on here.
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| "MAYBE SHE HAS HAD TOO MUCH WINE. WHAT'S IT TO YA?" |
Eveleigh is pregnant, so she spends most of her time taking a yoga class where she becomes fast friends with another pregnant chick. When she begins to see eerie and bloody visions all around the house, everyone thinks that she's crazy, probably because she's off of her meds. Eveleigh knows (thinks) that she's not crazy though, and so she sets out to discover the mysteries of the winery, and find out why she's being "haunted."
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| BITCH, IT'S JUST A MANNEQUIN! |
Remember that one movie where that thing happened, and then everyone was like "no way, that's crazy" and the one girl was like "it's not crazy" and then everyone is all like "ooooh, I see" at the end? Visions is a lot like that one, except for the ending, which was like that one other movie where not much happened.
Pleasant familiarity and painful mediocrity ensue.
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| THERE'S NOTHING MEDIOCRE ABOUT |
Look, Visions isn't a bad movie; it works just fine as a harmless, safe Drama that has a few decent Horror elements peppered throughout, it's just that it's not all that compelling or engaging. It's a very well-made movie, and it's got a solid cast going for it, but it never really does anything that grabs the attention, or more importantly, scares you.
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| BE AS ANGRY AS YOU LIKE, LADIES, YOU KNOW WE'RE RIGHT. |
Is Visions the story about a woman who may or may not be going crazy, or is there really something Supernatural going on? Maybe it's simply about revenge. Maybe it's about all of that, which makes the whole thing feel a bit uneven. It's a movie that really doesn't know what it wants to be, and it suffers for its indecision.
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| "FOR THE LAST TIME, LADY, I'M NOT A GHOST!" |
Isla Fisher is as likable (and hot) in this one as she ever is, and we've been big fans of Anson Mount since we saw him on Hell On Wheels, and they both do a great job in their roles, as generic as they may be. Supporting players like Gillian Jacobs and Joanna Cassidy pull their weight too. Jim Parsons and Eva Longoria are only on-screen for a few minutes each, so it's not really right to even mention them as "Starring" in this one at all.
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| YES, IT IS PRETTY HORRIFYING. |
The fact that Blumhouse dumped Visions on Netflix without any sort of Theatrical, DVD, or VOD release beforehand, should tell you that they didn't have a ton of faith in it to begin with. Or maybe they did, and just a really lucrative deal from Netflix, who knows. Either way, it's not a bad flick, but it's just kind of generic and forgettable, and doesn't really offer much in the way of scares.
Since you can check it out for free though, it can't hurt to give it a watch if you're curious.
C
Visions is available now on Netflix.
Isla Fisher is our favorite Aussie who was born to Scottish parents in the Middle East. *She's smoking hot, that's the lesson here.
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